There are many milestones that we look forward to as women – whether it is careers, marriage, or children. All of which help us feel as though we have a higher purpose. Sometimes these milestones can cloud our vision so much that we forget to experience the “Here and now”.  But I have come to realize that being able to experience the “now”, will only happen after letting go of some pre-conceived notions. For example, the notion that God has The Man out there for me. Mr Tall, Dark, Handsome, Wealthy, Emotionally mature, Loves his mother but not too much, loves kids, travelling and dogs. That this unicorn is out there waiting to be directed towards me. Good luck finding this one in the Bible. There is plenty of stuff about God's will for his people, God wanting good things for you, and God's ultimate plan.

I believe Christians take a lot of comfort in the idea that God will do the heavy lifting when it comes to dating. God will tell them if a relationship is right, and God will end it if it's not. All they have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride. German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer stated that God joins the relationship between a man and a woman at the point of marriage. Before that, the couple has to take the initiative.

As in all things, it's best to ask for God's guidance. The Bible promises he will provide that whenever we ask. Rely on God's love, wisdom, and sustaining presence while you're dating. Though God won't do all the work for you, he'll be with you every step of the way.

Another misconception is that God will reveal to you the man you are going to marry the minute you meet them. Now I'm not saying that he doesn't. When it comes to God, I'm pretty careful about saying what He does or doesn't do. But I do know this, sometimes the flesh speaks pretty loud.  It will tell you what you want to hear. I know a few people who have been led down the wrong path because of this. So now you ask, “How do we know then?” Frankly…we don't.  We go before God and say this is the person I have chosen, Father. Help us on this journey.

The last misconception I will speak about is this notion we have that there's a certain way we need to date within Christianity. And no I am not referring to the physical, the Bible is very clear on that point, NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. Yes I said it. I am actually referring to the guidelines that seem to have been set. Now if we think about this, when the Bible was written, a person basically had one of three options: remaining single, an immoral life with multiple partners or prostitutes, or an arranged marriage. There were courtship rituals in place, but nothing that looks like what we consider dating today. And we have now found ourselves in a grey area.  It has spawned a whole range of opinions and advice on how to handle dating. This leaves a lot of room for error.

There are biblical principles, like Galatians 5:19-23, But there are things that the Bible does not address. For example, can you hold hands, hug each other, give each other a close-lipped kisses? Should you expect him to pay for dinner every time? My feminist side says, uhm heck no. But the traditionalist in me says...yes he should. Especially after I've ordered dessert 4 times! You see this requires more decision making on our parts. We don't have scriptural manuals that tell us how to behave in every situation.

It's up to you to be in prayer and conversation with your Christian community about these things. We are going to have to think, talk, pray, and be ready to make some mistakes.