Before marriage, life as a couple often feels simple. This is largely because responsibilities are few and mostly revolve around showing up for dates and enjoying time together. Many decisions to marry are based on the belief that the other person makes us happy. But as the saying goes, “Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.” Marriage reveals the financial realities of your partner, their rent, bills, debts, support for family, church giving, and personal expenses.
Early in our relationship, when my husband was still my boyfriend, he showed me his payslip. He wanted me to have a realistic understanding of his income and not expect more than what was on that paper. While he hoped I would consider how many obligations that money had to carry, I saw it as a reasonable amount for us to enjoy. I supported his efforts to save for lobola, but deep down, I expected us to spend freely once we were married.
Our Journey into Contentment
“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound... I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.” Philippians 4:11–12 (NKJV) Reality hit after the wedding when we moved into a beautiful double-storey apartment rented under my sister-in-law and her husband. Three months in, we had to start paying rent ourselves, and we couldn’t afford it. That’s when marriage taught us the value of downgrading to match your season. It’s tempting to live for appearances, but doing so often sacrifices the true quality of life.
Some people drive expensive cars while sending their children to under-resourced schools. Others live in impressive neighbourhoods but have empty bank accounts. We chose to prioritize quality of life over public perception. So, we moved to a one-bedroom apartment. We had just enough furniture: a bed, a sofa, and a two-plate stove. I remember a church guest once asking, “What kind of food can you cook with that?” Comments like that can pressure couples into trying to impress people who won't help them get there. But I learned something precious, we live for Christ, not for public opinion. We were content with what we had. We could eat well, save, and even begin developing on our plot in Harare.
We shifted our focus to completing the cottage on our land so we could eliminate rental costs. But as Zimbabwe’s economy worsened, we made a hasty decision to relocate. Guided by advice from friends, we moved to South Africa after selling our property, expecting an automatic upgrade in lifestyle. We were shocked. Relocation meant starting over. We rented a three-bedroom apartment on a R9 000.00 salary. After paying rent and the babysitter, we were left with just over R1 000.00. Back then, a loaf of bread cost R4.50. I was working; my husband wasn’t. I struggled with the fact that the man whose payslip I had once admired was now jobless, two years into our marriage.
I grew frustrated and often complained that he wasn’t looking for a job seriously. It seemed to me that he spent his days watching TV while I worked hard for the family. But my nagging wore him down. He later confessed that he sometimes wished he were dead, just to escape the shame of not being a provider. Thank God for the Holy Spirit, who knew what he was going through. One day, I felt led to stop fighting him and start fighting for him. I asked if we could fast for three days for his breakthrough. On the first day, he was invited for an interview with a top financial firm. I drove him there and waited in the car, praying. That same day, on our way home, they called and offered him the job, with a salary five times higher than mine!
Prayer shifted our financial reality. Money enters families spiritually. It’s not just about hard work; it’s about spiritual alignment. “Seek first the Kingdom of God... and all these things will be added to you” Matthew 6:33. Money is best received as an addition, not the foundation, of a blessed marriage.
After this breakthrough, we decided to live more wisely and moved into a two-bedroom apartment. Looking back, renting that three-bedroom place had been a step out of season. But the smaller apartment became a season of joy. That’s when we became hosts to many who were job-hunting. At one point, 14 people lived with us, men slept in the lounge, women in the second bedroom. But it didn’t feel like a burden. God provided. I even got a better job, and we managed to take care of everyone. That was 2006, the year of 14 housemates. Most of them found work, and we supported them until they could stand on their own. To this day, we rejoice to see how far they’ve come.
In 2007, we decided to buy a house. It felt like a reward for our faithfulness. The process was surprisingly smooth. We didn’t know we had to pay transfer fees, but the lawyers, seeing our innocence, allowed us to pay after the registration. That was grace. Homeownership came with new responsibilities: rates, mortgage payments, utilities, maintenance. I left it all to my husband, who silently struggled. He didn’t say anything, maybe he thought he had to “man up” and handle it. We both had jobs, so we split our finances: he managed “his money and bills,” and I managed “mine.” That separation created gaps.
By the time I realised what was happening, we were drowning in debt, because he had been drowning in silence. When the body corporate handed our account over to their lawyers, my husband finally admitted that we owed over R100 000.00 in rates. I was devastated. These financial challenges took a toll on our marriage, especially as I struggled to honour a man who had quietly led us into such a deep financial ditch without asking for help.
It took us years to climb out of that pit. But along the way, I learned something vital: to recognise the limitations of my spouse, to remain vigilant, and to step in with support when needed. Sometimes, we pretend not to see the elephant in the room until it grows so big that it forces us out of our marriages. We also came to understand the importance of multiple streams of income and have since been steadily exploring different markets. Is it easy? No! Does it always succeed? No! But we continue to press into the faithfulness of God's Word. As David said, “I have been young, and now I am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his descendants begging bread.” (Psalm 37:25 NKJV)
Debt is a system designed to reduce God's children to beggars. As much as possible, avoid entangling yourself in debt,it frees you to live a content and peaceful life. Whether you have much or little, your mind stays sound and your marriage intact. We experienced God’s hand delivering us from financial bondage. We’re not yet where we want to be, but we are far from where we started. We hold onto the truth that “He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it.”
Money is not the foundation of a good marriage. Instead, hearing God for each season, obeying His instructions, and remaining in a posture of prayer, committing every plan to the Lord Jesus Christ, is what truly sustains a marriage.